I'm out of balance. Balance in one's life is difficult to achieve for most people, but I'm also stubborn and undisciplined so it's especially difficult for me. I've been working a lot--well, 4 nights of work doesn't seem like a lot and isn't for most people but I'm also trying to continue the daily routine I had when I was working during the day. That's the stubborn part. I'm also not doing what I need to do to be productive during the day. That's the undisciplined part.
The result is what you would see if my computer screen had eyes (and thank God it doesn't): I came home last night after 3am and too much coffee so I had a couple glasses of wine while watching my shows I had DVR'd. I fell asleep on the couch without a shower and in my makeup. I woke up at 7am and threw myself into my bed--shoving my clean, unfolded clothes into a corner of my bed--without a shower and without washing my face. I woke up around 11am realizing that it's Friday and I don't care because I'm not going to see my boyfriend for the next 4 days. I was pissed at myself for sleeping in my makeup and pissed that I have to pay what seems like a HUGE amount to the state for taxes and pissed that I haven't been to the grocery store and I had nothing to eat and pissed that I've inadvertently arranged my work schedule to be completely opposite my boyfriend's.
Most, if not all of today's stress was caused by... ME. Why am I unmotivated to make my life easier? Is it not enough sleep? Maybe. When I'm tired I'm cranky and irritable and irrational. And I write run ons and sentence fragments. One of these days I'll get it together. They say the first step to changing it is admitting the problem, right?